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All she ever wanted were endless evenings filled with undescribable magic
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May. 19th, 2004 @ 05:30 pm (no subject)

Add [info]crayola_bomb

It is basically this account, but with a new name and friends only.

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Wow, I'm like you. You know who.

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May. 18th, 2004 @ 04:27 pm Orange freezees over razor blades any day
Its an uphill battle from here.

The funeral was beautiful. So many people were there, it filled up both chapels and the room bewteen them and it was just, amazing. Lauren came on a stretcher, the little trooper, and Eric made such an amazing speech. I was bawling, but it was just so perfect.

Thanks to Allie and Harriet for the car ride and introduction to Pumpkin Scones
Thanks to Waybe, for keeping me smiling in the serivce when I needed it
Thanks to Brooke and Goldgrub, for bringing hugs just when they were needed
Thanks to Thom, for bringing laughs so hard that I almost peed

Thanks to everyone who has been supporting Eric. Guys, you are such amazing people, its unimaginable. I'm proud of each and every one of you, and I'm so happy to call you my friends.

Its like a reality check, you know? Its like we all know it COULD happen, but that could just isnt enough to make us think about it. New York in 7 days. Boots hurt. Orange freezees over razor blades any day.

Seeing you hurt, seeing you cry. I wish there was something more I could do. I love you. It only goes uphill from here.
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May. 17th, 2004 @ 05:01 pm (no subject)
Two years today... This time two years ago, we were still at the cottage. Its almost 5, so me and Brad and James were in the kitchen, chopping cucumber. It was the only thing Brad liked in his salads. I wanted onion, but he said chopping it made him cry, so we just skipped it. We chopped up too much cucumber though, and I remember Mags came in and saw that we used all the cucumber... And she said "Cuuuuuucumer parade!" and we started throwing it around. A piece fell behind the stove, and I was worried it would rot.

Two years ago. God, at the same time, it feels like an eternity, and it also feels like a split second. Its harder because of everything else thats happening. Everyone was great about Eric. Lots of people went to visitation, and the office had a room set up for us at school to relax in. Tomorrow is the funeral.

Two years. An old tragedy coated in a new one.

If anyone need me, you're welcome to call me... I love you all.
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May. 16th, 2004 @ 10:25 pm (no subject)
Tomorrow marks 2 years since that day...
And now a whole new one to think about.

It's a cycle. And I dont hurt for myself anymore.
I'm not sad about my own situation.

I love you all.
I always will.

--Edit---

Jesse ran away from home.
He's 19, its legal now.

Dad can't chase after him.
He didn't tell me this time. Last time, he said he loved me before he left... His cell phone is off...













Did anybody have a good day?
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May. 16th, 2004 @ 03:52 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: infuriated
Current Music: Adi rambling
Adi est ici. We are, well, actually, doing nothing at all. Its sad. We watched Double Jeopardy with Ashely Judd, and then, well, we did squat, but heck, its fun fun fun. Haha, now she is on the phone avec her family because she has tendancys to leave and not tell anyone, so ya. Parents are still out of town. Oh, now she is off the phone is ringing, and its my mom. They will be home at 6:30, 7.

Greeeeeeat. This was a fun weekend, and now I have a history essay, a photography essay and science studying to do. Lovely.

( Of course there are pictures.... I'm a dork, duh )

Ok, so Angie and I were detectives, Adi is talking like some guy named Langford, and I'm exhausted. Am I alive?

Whoooooosh

Each and every day, I fear you'll begin to forget me.
Each and every day, I remember you more and more.
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May. 16th, 2004 @ 12:04 am (no subject)
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Eric Clapton-
"Hi mom, its me. Um, can I go to Jackie's today?"
"Ok. How?"
"The bus."
"You dont know how. You cant go. *click*"

10 minutes later
"Hi mom, Val just called me. Can I go to a concert?"
"Ok. How?"
"Her mom."
"Ok."

SO I JUST WENT TO A CONCERT!!! I SAW THRICE! I SAW THRICE! YAHOOO! Awe man, I love Thrice, yum. And the Get Up Kids, which was fun, and some other new band... Say Anything. Not great. The main attraction? Dashboard Confessionals. I know, I know. But heck, the old stuff isn't half bad.

Val and I had so much fun, the crowd had a TON of very attractive boys... who brought their attractive girlfriends. A lot of the people just went for Thrice, so the crowd was.... pushing. Shoving. Sweating. Panting. Crying. Screaming. Tripping. Falling. Smoking..... AMAZING! People were pouring sweat out faster than they could sing, it was gross. It was so hot, kind of like Marilyn Manson was, but not as bad. Anywho, Val and I stuck together, made lots of friends.

and Oh, we were looking for Evelyn, and we got an entire part of the crowd to cheer her name? Did she hear? NO! Instead, he mistook a black girl and an asian girl for her. Whoops. Lots of Daneil St. G look alikes, and Adi was there, with Lindsay. Lindsay is prettier than I remember. And Adi, well, her first concert *sniff* and of course, I didn't know Thrice was opening, so I told her it wasn't going to be a mosh piut, but uh, whoops. So she spent most of it in the back, bummer. Wahetver, Vasl and I had a blast!

Woohoo! And we saw the 3 Wadsworths, and Alex Gould... Who was with a group of kids who must have been under the age of 11? Interesting. Anyways, awesome awesome eveing.

Mmmml.. Thrice.
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May. 15th, 2004 @ 01:04 am (no subject)
Did I go to school today? It doesnt feel like it... Alex and I had a billion hour long meeting with Mr. Wilshire today. Why? All we wanted was a note for the bus, but we got a full out tour of his office, including a peek at next years schedule and Zits comics... t was crazy.
Then, I went home with here, where she attempted to straighten my hair, and she got it fairly straight, but about 5 minutes later, it curled up. Pictures below. We picked up Will and went to Rachelles.

Mmmm, fun. Rachelle and Toby had their b-day party, and a large portion of it was camped out in her petit tree house. It was ranging from laughing at her brothers, to huddling from the rain. Overall, good fun. Who was in attendance? Ahem, Rachelle, Toby, Daniel St.G, Lea, Lauren Goldgrub, Will, Alex, Val, Astaire, Wayne, Harison, Lisa, Daniele (with one L) and probably someone who I am forgetting. Oh well. Suck it up.

I went camera happy.

Oh, and then, we went to the Newmarket Carnival/Fair. WOW!!!! So much fun. Lea, Lauren and I were ride buds, and we went fun fun fun. It was Laurens first time on a ferris wheeel, and LEa and I went on the spinning rides, and sang backstreet boys songs, and all of us just had a blast, and we won and Elmo and... just awesome. It ended... roughly, but overall the night was so fun. Mmmm, picture time. Thank you Rachelle and Toby, happy birthdays!!!

For some reason, there are a lot of pictures of feet... and Daniel... I don't know... I take too many pictures, I should be shot...

Shoot me.
( Ahh, a lighter!!! )

I wish I took less pictures, but one day, I'll be old and gross and look back at these and smile because I've got awesome amigos/amigas, and I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. I love you all, and may memories stay with us, but allow space for new ones to be created. Cheer *clink*
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May. 13th, 2004 @ 05:30 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: Nirvana- Rape Me
HOT. I'm a winter child at heart, but this, this is... meh, I'm alright. My freckles have arrived, and my mom says thats stylish, so be jealous.

Drama was fun. Heather says I yell in my thing too much, which I know I do, but its the one time I can yell and people aren't telling me to shut up. Mmmm,. the power of a Black, angry congresswomen is beautiful. Wow, our show is in... soon.

History, blah. Photo, blah. Science, Science... I skipped science, told my mom the teacher was away and she said fun. And hey, the teacher WAS away, so there. I hung out with Britney, Elise and Danielle M. It was... really fun. I never really talk to them, and I guess it was cool to see a whole new view on things like drama and people and what not. We spent a good half hour in shoppers drug mart, and I have found an orange nail polish that will be mine! Bwhaha, but I shall attempt to hang out with these three more.
Plus, Brit is having our cast shows from drama, so heck, I can be on the invite list.... ok, so everyone is on the invite list, but shut up.

Lunch was nifty. Talk with Brooke, and then joined a group of others. STEPH TRIMBLE, IF YOU ARE READING THIS: YOU HAVE MORALS! I think you are fabulous, gorgeous, fun, and just... a blast to be with... And I know all this from the... oh, 3 times we might have hung out together. As for the rest of you in the conversation, Michael Albert summed it up: "Dont hate yourselves".... or something like that.

Had a pyschatrist meeting after school, and guess what? Not only am I on more Trileptal, but I'm on a new pill! Add another one on, thats, fuck, a lot. She cancelled 6 of them though, so now, I have to start elminating them slowly to not suffer from withdrawl, but the new one is some anti-pyschotic... Lovely, really.

Anti-pyschotic...

Whats wrong with being pyschotic?

Oh, and she also told my mom I shouldnt be doing the 30 hour famine, and so my mom made me eat.... SHE FUCKING MADE ME. I hate that. There goes that charity, Heck, I've gone longer than this without food while on meds, god damnit. The worst part? Sicne I'm not doing the fasting, she took away my money for the sponsers... Bitch.

But still, what is wrong with being pyschotic?

(ps. it hurts to be around you. it hurts to know you and i aren't together. what hurts most though, is that i know how you feel. )
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May. 12th, 2004 @ 05:30 pm (no subject)
Fuck with god damn no swearing rule. If you're fucking offended by some shitty words that are over exagerated during a bitching show, suck it up wench.

The days still go by slowly, and the clocks still run backwards, but fifth lunch has lost its edge. I no longer look foward to it. Everyone goes there own ways, and I'm usually left standing in the middle of no where, venturing out to find someone. Today, I found Alex Delory, and we had a blast, but still. Why can't everybody just deal with their issues with other people and come together? Every lunch, feelings get hurt or someone is left out and it blows.

My mom and I are going to have dinner tonight.... Together.... Just us... I'm going to tredmill now. God, its hot.

---Edit---


It's actually over... Months... heck, a whole year and a half of love for you, and you summed it up. Its amazing how a two letter word can hurt so much. If only the n and the o didnt go together.

But I'll suck it up and put on a brave face.... Actually, this time... maybe not. What did I do wrong? Wait, I know.

Crap, why do I always fuck things over like this. I'm sorry if I hurt you... I'm sorry that I hurt me.

I still love you.
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May. 11th, 2004 @ 04:43 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: exhausted
Fab field trip. It was actually worth listening to, which is rare for these sort of things. It was al about the Holocaust, and a survivor told his story to us. I kept crying because I could see my grandfather going through all those things, and it just killed me. No one deserves that. No one.

The day off school was well spent too, lots of sun and picture taking. Not many interesting things to see.... so instead, Elise, Rachelle and I sat around and... hmm, I dont even know. We just sort of chilled.... Rachelle got hit on by some brown guy, and a ton of homeless Natives were peeing against a wall. Yes.

Someone called me a "punk wannabe" today.... riiiight. I was wearing fisnhet sleeves, and I'm going to assume that this is the reason. Well, no offence to you, but the first time I saw fishnets on sleeves... or at least the first time I considered trying it cause it looked neat, was on Britney Spears. Or Alex Delory, either one of them. So BAH.


PICTURES!!!
( Excuse me, do you know where registration is? )

Oh, ya... These are for Allie... I'm weird.
( Allie )
( Read more... )
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May. 10th, 2004 @ 06:05 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: embarrassed
Current Music: Sublime- Santeria
Hello monday. Its sticky, its sweaty, and its 30 degrees with the humidity... Ugh, hair is sticking to my head and my pants are sticking to my legs. Gross.

I left my Doodle and Dream book in photography! Nooo! Crap, oh well, I'll get it before we leave tomorrow. Field trip, nice.

We played a fun game at lunch, originally just Scott and me, but it ended up with a lot more... Basically, random questions and you go in a circle and answer.... Quwestions like
If you won a shopping spree at Toys R Us, which aisle would you start at?
If you were a crayon, which crayon would you be?
If you could invite 3 guests, dead or alive to dinner, who would the be?


It was much fun, lots of crazy answers... Refridgeration. Nice.

15 days until New York
49 days until Centauri
10 days until Twilight (grade 10 girl show)
9 days until Monster (grade 10 boys show)
229(ish) days until I'm 16
27 days until Jackie's/my party

So much to countdownn....

( How did I not remember this? )
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May. 9th, 2004 @ 06:43 pm (no subject)
I'm a sucker for these random things.
schematic666's Friend Fusion
...right beside me. but i, oh... at this point id like to... stuff we are hermits hahah lol... want a working button maker or... ... dont know.. but im trying to... idea why. English is a pain... from ? All the lonely people... not particularly fond of: 1. Moist... the library. allie is beside me....
Username:
Friend Fusion by Hutta.


Adi gave me an amazing book today... I love it... Its all about day dreaming, and you fill it in, and just, wow, I'm almost done in.

Thank you Adi.

And to "you", please fall in love with me again. I beg of you. Just, love me like you used to.
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May. 9th, 2004 @ 01:43 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Counting Crows- A Long December
My grandparents are downstairs, the good ones, mom's side.. Oy, are they cute. Unfortuneatly, I'm in my room because I've gotten sick and they are so old, that I could kill em with one sneeze. I said hello, ate some potatoe salad and came back up, of course, right before my Zadie handed me the 50 dollar bill.
"Zadie, whats this for?"
"Happy mothers day"
Funny little man. I put the 50 in my 30 hour famine envelope though, cause I dont need it. How unselfsih of me, hooray. I love how cute they are. Normally, I hate old people, but these two are so great. They always spit out the holocuast stories though, and I cry like a baby... Great people these old ones.

I'm on my seventh mug of tea today... I think I might have a tea hangover tomorrow. I gotta fnish Adi's present now... Weee..

schematic666's Word Usage
1. and (231) 26. be (25) 51. his (16) 76. good (12)
2. i (226) 27. out (24) 52. people (16) 77. bus (12)
3. the (196) 28. at (23) 53. day (15) 78. her (12)
4. a (123) 29. not (23) 54. one (15) 79. love (12)
5. to (122) 30. its (22) 55. up (15) 80. john (11)
6. it (100) 31. there (21) 56. can (15) 81. dont (11)
7. is (74) 32. who (21) 57. home (15) 82. grade (11)
8. in (69) 33. your (21) 58. what (15) 83. could (10)
9. my (68) 34. then (20) 59. they (15) 84. never (10)
10. you (66) 35. oh (20) 60. had (14) 85. fun (10)
11. of (62) 36. from (19) 61. by (14) 86. astaire (10)
12. was (55) 37. she (19) 62. he (14) 87. really (10)
13. so (51) 38. want (19) 63. when (14) 88. still (10)
14. we (46) 39. do (18) 64. got (14) 89. as (10)
15. with (46) 40. or (18) 65. new (14) 90. an (10)
16. that (45) 41. how (17) 66. time (13) 91. them (10)
17. but (44) 42. today (17) 67. because (13) 92. again (10)
18. on (41) 43. like (17) 68. some (13) 93. mom (9)
19. i'm (40) 44. will (17) 69. get (13) 94. come (9)
20. are (39) 45. where (16) 70. now (13) 95. don't (9)
21. me (38) 46. about (16) 71. just (13) 96. tonight (9)
22. have (33) 47. went (16) 72. see (13) 97. shall (9)
23. this (28) 48. over (16) 73. think (13) 98. angie (9)
24. for (27) 49. know (16) 74. show (12) 99. back (9)
25. all (25) 50. going (16) 75. more (12) 100. go (9)
Username:
Word Count by Hutta.



Some days it don't come easy
Some days it don't come hard
Some days it don't come at all
and these are the days that never end
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May. 8th, 2004 @ 11:46 pm (no subject)
Will just left. We spent the night lying in the basement eating pizza and watching Aladdin, Return of Jafar and Almost Famous... Will hadn't seen Almost Famous yet, so it was a new experiance, but we didn't finish it. He took it home, so it MUST come back on Monday.

Before Will came, I watched Rocky Horror Picture show avec both of my parents... I felt like I was doing something wrong.

I think I have a fever now. That, or its really hot in here. I feel like going to sleep, but I don't think I can... Holy crap *cough* *snort* *wheeeze*

Great cosmic power...Itty, bitty living space.
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May. 8th, 2004 @ 03:05 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: Nirvana- Smells like teen spirit
Ugh, allergies. I'm actually more flemmy then I've ever been... ever! And thats pretty gross. My mom always said I was a felmmy child, but this, this is gross.

Last night was a blast. Jesse had his show at the ACC (you know it) Mob Mentality, yay! Mirsky was awesome, and as usual at the concerts, the other bands sucked, so we hung around outside chain cmoking, getting stoned and watching Vasl and Mike make out. Oh, and PJ and I found a crazy dog... and the girls and I danced until Brooke poked Scott in the eye... And I think Steph Trimble is so beautiful, I wish I could be there. I;ve never seen Michael Albert stoned. Wow, thats interesting.

We slept at Val's house, and in the mroning, her cat fell in love with another cat, and Astaire was watchin and she hit her face into glass. And then this morning, Astaires (step?) dad picked us up with Angie and we went to Lauren's and I had a hydroneated vegetbale oil granola bar, yum. And then my dad picked me up and we got lunch and came home. Will shall be coming over soon to watch crappy movies, sweeet.

Lines/Memories from the past 24 hours:
"All in one?!" - Astaire

"Are you going to New york?" "No, I'm not stoned!"- PJ and Astaire

"Please, teach me to tango" - Will

Yogurt and fruit...

"Mike Bloom is kissing a girl!" -Allie

"Its Rich from Montreal." "No, its Mitch from Richmonhill"... - Astiare and Steph

"Yaaaayaaaaayaaaaaa"- Val
"This song is about Maggots. the Last song was about dead people, and maggots eat dead people"- Jesse

Astaires pants ripping...

"Lets go push those boys" - Val

And it continues for a long time... but still... it was beautiful. So many fun fun fun people... hmmm, Will is coming at 6, so I can shower, watch Rcoky Horror Picture Show (again) and tidy my room.... Excellent.

Thank you for a wonderful evening folks. And uh, ya, until next week. Bwahahaha!

I would do anything for love... but I wont do that
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May. 7th, 2004 @ 04:18 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: Ron Sexsmith- Right About Now
Mirsky's concerto is tonight.... althout concert is pushing it... Lets call it a gig, shall we? Yes, yes. Of course, I was an ass and forgot my wallet at home and so I came here, got cleaned up, grabbed my wallet and my parents shall be driving me to Valeries soon. I'm excited, mainly cause I get to hang out with Val, Astaire et les autres. I am too damn happy.

I got really cranky at fifth, so I swallowed a couple of random "upper" pills and then I was really happy on the bus, but I was all alone... It was sort of sad. But happy. But sad. Oh, and I think I have a sinus infection, which sucks muchos because whenever I'm sick, my parentals and doctors have to make it such a big deal. "It could be a stroke" this and "side effects from meds" that.... ITS A FREAKIN COLD. Dagnamit.

You know that feeling when people just bug you? Michael Albert, it fucking rubbed off on me. PEOPLE SUCKED TODAY. 100% suckage. All of you. Grrr.

I prithee send me back my heart,
Since I cannot have thine;
For if from yours you will not part,
Why, then, shouldst thou have mine?

Can you not see that I still love you,
For I long to hold you
Even when I don't long to hold myself.
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May. 6th, 2004 @ 04:50 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: Frank Sinatra- Beyong the Sea
Have you ever seen a Starbucks advertisment???? I sure haven't... How do they advertise? And if they dont, how do people know about it?

Laura Secord got a new flavor, cherry cheese cake... yummy. Rachelle and I ate away, with ity-bity spoons. Then, we cicled the track for life, split a veggie dog, and got separated. Growl.

Another grade 9 went down today.Dear god, they are dropping like flies.

Would anyone like to join the Rose Lipton and Katie Payne Fan Club? Dana, Danica and I are running it, and I have designed a button. To join, you must have a good reason to join, that is all... Well, and donations are welcome.








Soon, there will be no more grade 9s.
Whoa.

Sabrina today was the one where Sisco played a vampire... I cried and needed my mom to calm me down... I hyperventilated and fell down and now I have a head ache.

Oh ya, Ernie and I are going to be in Fifteen this year, w00t. Ew, I said w00t.
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May. 5th, 2004 @ 10:34 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: ditzy
Current Music: Eric Clapton
The hockey game? Oh it, was.... fun. As predicted, I missed my at home comfort, avec le announcer et les replays. It was fun though, the seats were pretty good, except my mom says I didnt get on TV, blasted. The crowd was so hyper, it was insane.... And this guy was sitting behind me who cried when it was over... Poor dude. He said his name was Jerry and that the Leafs were more important than his kids.

Whoa. Take a break there Jerry.

Once upon a time there was a girl named Sarah who had a best friend named Adi. Adi and Sarah went to school together until grade 9, when they went to separate high schools. They stayed in touch, and wrote emails and chatted over msn, and then as May rolled around, it slowed down. Sarah was lost, and did not know where Adi was... So, ADI, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!!??!

Brooke Averil, is it your birthday? I think it is... Happy Birthday babe. And you owe me a secret.

Tonight, I'm off to Danica's where we will wath the grade 9 show. I'm so excited to see Courtney and Tal, my my, I do love those girls.

Sliding the sun glasses
over her face, she conceals the scars and dark circles.
A new person peaks out from behind

the pink shades,
and as the car rolls to the drive through,
she orders an Iced Cap,

***only to find pink lipstick ****
staining the straw
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May. 4th, 2004 @ 04:18 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: The Beatles- Yesterday
Angie and I got milk and Frutopia at lunch today, and then we saw a cloud that looked like a penis... A penis cloud.

I'm going to the Leafs game tonight, I thought my dad won tickets, but apparently, it was my neighbour. I'm excited, but not really. I perfer the instant replays and announcer at home.... Still, it shall be an experiance. I'm not fond of the Leafs, bu what the hell, go leafs go. Ya...

Me, going to a hockey game, who woulda thought?

Oh ya, I'm also going to Italy. Not tonight, but next summer. Yum.
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May. 3rd, 2004 @ 09:34 pm (no subject)
CONGRATS TO ALL OF THE PERIOD 2 GRADE 9'S!!!! YOU WERE ALL FABULOUS!!!
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